It's EXTREMELY rare that I write poetry, but this just happened last night while I couldn't sleep from like midnight to 2AM. I'm not much of a poet, but at least you'll get to hear my life story from early childhood up to the end of high school. I'll have to do like a part two to cover the last 4 years I think. Here goes:

I love you dad.

You take care of me.

You taught me how to play ball.

You take me out for ice cream.

But sometimes you change dad.

I really don’t know why.

I hide in my room

when I hear you yell at night.

Don’t you love mom?

Why do you have to fight?

Sometimes you change daddy.

You change sometimes at night.

I’m getting bigger now dad

I don’t hide any more

I want to stop the fights

Don’t want to run out the door

Off we go again

Escaping in the van

You’re chasing us in the truck

Mom’s driving fast as she can

I’m talking to the operator now.

I told her about your gun.

I know you won’t use it daddy.

But please don’t make us run.

You blocked the road completely.

I still recall the sound.

We locked the doors to keep you out

Now you’re handcuffed on the ground.

I hate you dad.

I don’t want to see you any more.

Every other weekend I escape.

I run right out the door.

They can’t make me see you.

I don’t love you any more.

I want to end my life

But the knife falls to the floor.

Sometimes I change at night dad

When I’m alone in bed.

Hatred fills my heart.

Evil fills my head.

I hate you God.

I wish you were not real.

I didn’t deserve this God.

You don’t know how I feel.

I thought you could protect me.

Why did you make me fall?

I went to church with Grammy.

She said you’d hear me when I called.

Forget you God.

I wish you would leave me alone.

If this is life with you,

I’d rather try it on my own.

I hold the beer on Friday.

I pretend I like the taste.

No one suspects the pain inside.

They don’t see through my smiling face.

I drive my truck too fast.

I barely miss the train.

The girl that once rode with me

Only adds unto my pain.

I play sports and make dirty jokes

So my friends will think I’m cool

I make the grades and change my speech

To keep the adults fooled.

My life is a charade

Everyone thinks I’m having fun

The demon in the mirror

Reveals what I’ve become.

I told you to leave me alone God

You don’t listen very well

Your pursuit was relentless

As I hurtled straight toward Hell.

When you finally caught me

Conviction gripped my heart

I used to blame my circumstances

But I knew I played my part.

“I’ve disobeyed your rules Lord

I’ve broken your commands

I can’t make up for what I’ve done

There’s much blood on these hands”

“I was there through it all Clint.

I know everything you’ve done.

I knew before you were born

That I’d have to send my son.”

I hadn’t prayed in years

So I just talked to God that night.

I ran into his open arms,

Gave up, surrendered my fight.

I was a boy of sorrow

But he wiped away my tears

He placed a joy inside my heart

I’d never felt in all my years

He changed my life completely

My friends stared in disbelief

Some were happy for my change

Most just thought I was a freak

I had much to learn

Much ground to reclaim

I missed the target a lot

But never changed my aim.

I am still not perfect,

Far from it in fact.

But that’s ok, I will press on.

There is no turning back.