self-es·steem [self-i-steem] *

1. a realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself; self-respect.
2. an inordinately or exaggeratedly favorable impression of oneself.

Synonym: Pride
Antonym: Diffidence

I expect that many who begin to read this article will do so with a bad taste in their mouth, having taken offense at the title alone. And it is precisely such an individual that I hope will read this article to the end because I believe you are the one who needs to hear its message most (and just so you know, I was offended writing the title; so I need this message just as badly!). The truth is, self-esteem is flat out incorrect thinking. Period.

Feelings are a funny thing. They ignite and fizzle daily. One moment we feel great (for any number of superficial, or even "relevant," reasons), the next moment we feel as though jumping out of an airplane without a parachute would be better than whatever just landed in our lives. Feelings are fickle, intricately tied to the numerous factors of our circumstance, and cannot be trusted to consistently line up with truth. And yet, the whole "business" of self-esteem is tied to a "favorable impression" of oneself. Translated, self-esteem is all about how you feel about yourself.

If this is true (self-esteem=how I feel about me), then will my conclusions be trustworthy? Will they be based on any stable, concrete point of reference, or will my "impressions" be ever tossed about on the winds of fickle, finite and fleshly feelings? I hope the point is coming across that whatever you have believed to this point about the "science" of self-esteem is just a bunch of bunk from a thousand different "experts" who are doing no more than passing their subjective "impressions" on to you as fact. It's a sad state that so many have bought the lies propagated by such charlatans.

If self-esteem is wrong, then how are we to view ourselves? Are we to have any thoughts or consciousness of self and if so, where do we find the truth on the subject? Thankfully, the Bible has plenty to say on the topic of self, most of which isn't too flattering. So, buckle up. It's going to be a bumpy ride.

"Favorable impression[s] of oneself" have been reeking havoc on mankind since the beginning of time. Adam and Eve were the first to receive a lesson on the consequences of following self-will rather than God's will. All throughout human history this idea of "self-esteem" has been at the heart of sin and rebellion against God (pause, and ponder that for a moment). Nothing has changed in recent times. We are still consumed with acting out of our self-will rather than bending our knee to the will of God.

But we cannot go through life without having any thoughts of self. This would certainly be a type of psychosis, as self-realization is essential for being able to function well in life and relationships. But our understanding of self must come from a position of authoritative truth if we are to have a proper perspective of what we "see" when we look in the spiritual mirror. Therefore, we need to know what God has to say about the topic of self.

There is one fundamental idea that must be embraced in order to understand how we are to address the self: self must be bridled! God never designed us to live independently of Him. Oh, we do live independent from Him (often!), and we muck it up every time. God's original intention for us was to live in perpetual dependence upon Him, experiencing unbroken intimacy as we obeyed and trusted Him fully. Then sin entered the picture and broke that fellowship, and it has been a battle of the wills ever since, a battle of Self versus Savior.

In order to break the false thinking of self-esteem, we must learn to bridle our self-will, learning instead to "walk in the Spirit." We are told in Galatians 5 that when we are acting out of "self" we produce things like sexual immorality, impurity, idolatry, jealousy and all other sorts of wicked behaviors. But when we are living in the Spirit, He produces love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and SELF-control in us. Notice that the bridling of self cannot be something you muster up within yourself. It must be the Holy Spirit that bears this fruit in your life. I find great relief in this truth, because I don't have to fight this ferocious battle on my own!

I want to close by pointing out the antonym to self-esteem. It is a word we seldom, if ever, use (at least I've never used it in a conversation!). The term is diffidence. It originates from the Latin word diffidere, which has the idea "to mistrust or lack confidence." The modern sense would be to "distrust oneself." This is exactly what we must do if we want to get our thinking straight about this monster called self-esteem. He can't be trusted!

Self-esteem will deceive you into thinking that there is something within you and your intellect that is trustworthy. Hogwash! "The heart is deceitful above all else and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" (Jer. 17:9) The only thing we can trust about self is that it will fail us. Therefore, we need a Savior, we need a Rock, we need One in Whom there is no deceit (Isa. 53:9). We need Jesus!

Do you want to think "right" concerning yourself? Then "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." (Prov. 3:5) Stop believing the lies of anyone who tells you that you can "trust your heart" when your heart has proven to deceive you. Rest in the assurance that although your heart is deceitful, the God of the universe, who knows your heart better than you ever will, is madly in love with you and has made a way for you to know Him and follow Him. Allow His "favorable impression" of you in Christ to give you the courage to bridle self and live life to the fullest.

(I hope you aren't still offended by the title...)

* Dictionary.com, "self-esteem," in Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Source location: Random House, Inc. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/self-esteem. Available: http://dictionary.reference.com. Accessed: July 29, 2009.

Just for fun...

Cultural sayings are always in flux, so I thought we should start a new one with our Christian brothers and sisters. In light of this message on changing our thinking concerning self-esteem, I thought we should start making the following phrase the new "anti-self-esteem mantra" for believers (in the vein of "The 3 Musketeers"):

"The Me Diffideres"
"Distrusting Self - Entrusting the Savior"

Tags: blog, faith, self-esteem